Monday, June 7, 2010

Knocked Up?!

As much as I dislike referring to the possibilities of impending motherhood in such a manner. Somehow, I feel like there is not really any other way for me to refer to what has been going on with me lately.

To put it into perspective, the Sailor and I decided a few months after the Monkey made his debut into the world, that we were finished having babies. Mostly, due to the complicated pregnancy that I underwent with the Monkey. I haven't even thought for a moment that I might want to have another little one with the Sailor, despite the fact that he and I only have the Monkey together. (Sweet Pea is my daughter from a previous relationship.)

So back in January, I had my tubes tied.

Having a bi-lateral tubal ligation, isn't just a process of going in and letting your doctor know you aren't interested in having any more children. It entailed an education class on the effectiveness of the procedure, as well as the side effects and draw backs to the procedure. After I completed the class, I had to undergo a rather extensive pre pre surgical consulation, where my doctor discussed with me at length my reasons for having the surgery, as well as the consequences.

Needless to say, it was determined that I would be a good canidate for the procedure, and with a nip and a tuck, I was sent on my merry way.

Fast forward almost 6 months...

The last week or so, I have been feeling slightly out of whack. Exhausted more than usual, my breasts have been realtively achy, and I have been feeling a bit puffy and bloated. Now, I have perfectly good explanations for each of those symptoms. Sure, I haven't been sleeping well lately. We have had some rather warm weather the last week or so in particular, and despite the fact that I have put in at least a few maintenance requests to our landlord, our A/C has not worked since we moved into our home, and it has been dreadfully warm at night. I have been tossing and turning most nights.

I can attribute the achy breasts to the fact that my monthly visit from Aunt Flow, should be arriving any time in the next 3 to 5 days. I can also reason that my breasts are a little bit more sore than usual because the Monkey has greatly decreased his nursing. The heat has caused him to be more interested in juice and water. Which is good because he is staying more hydrated I think that he would if he were nursing more. So I suppose the milk supply that is still evident, despite the decrease in demand, might be part of the reason I am so sore. However, the pain doesn't feel like engorgment, or like I need to nurse.

Then of course, the bloating could be due to the fact that Aunt Flow should be on her way anytime. But, there seems to be some slight pressure in my abdomen, that I can't quite explain. If these were the only symptoms I had, I might be inclined to just chalk it all up to good ole PMS.

Unfortunately, I am not exactly sure of the first day of my last period. Since, having my tubes tied, I haven't worried about my cycles, or keeping track as diligently about when my cycles are beginning and ending. I do know that I had my last visit from Aunt flow, some time between May 9th and 12th. Now depending on when the first day actually was, could be the difference between 3 weeks or 4 weeks of possible gestation, a fact that would make a very real difference in any symptoms, I think I might be having.

But tonight, the Sailor, kids and I went to Wal-Mart after dinner. On the ride over, I found myself extremely nauseous. I was car sick, which never happens to me.. unless I am expecting. I had to keep myself from losing my dinner as we stood in the parking lot, unloading the Monkey's stroller. Once we were inside the Super Wal-Mart, the smells courtesy of the bakery and Papa John's was more than I could take. I had to make a bee line to the bathroom, where unfortunately, I lost my cookies.

Despite the fact that my dinner was left back in the bathroom of Wal-Mart. I spent the rest of the evening feeling pretty much Gnarly. I also was suffering from a terrible headache, which I suppose both the nausea and the headache could be attributed to the heat we are dealing with here at home, but normally if I lose my cookies, I start to feel better. Unless I am dealing with Morning Sickness.

So here I am, worrying a bit. Though it may be unfounded. My biggest concern is that if I POAS, and it comes up with a BFP.. that the viability of another pregnancy is not likely. The reality is that if I were to come up with a positive test, I would more than likely be experiencing a tubal pregnancy. Which would of course result in more surgery. Which would be more than a problem right now, as the Sailor is still in school and would not be able to take time off to help me re-coop.

Not to mention the fact that a viable pregnancy, would be difficult for me, in ways that I am unsure I am willing to face at this point in my life. I suppose that sounds selfish and callous, especially for anyone who has had and/or is having difficulty on their own fertility journey. But dealing with Gestational Diabetes for an entire pregnancy, and not merely just the third trimester, would be more than I could bear. That coupled with the pre-term labor issues I seem to have when I am pregnant, I would be nothing but a basket case, and no good to either of my children, or to the Sailor.

I am hoping that in a few days, I will be able to look back at this post and laugh it off in hind-sight, as me misreading the signals my body has been sending me of late. Hopefully Aunt Flow will be making her appearance very soon.

I really don't even know what I would do if there was a BFP. So here is to keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for a BFN.

And finally, my stomache has finally settled down. It's off to dreamland.


  1. Not to mention, I am so tired right now, that my grammer, spelling and punctuation is awful!!

  2. Oh my gosh Antonia! That would be so crazy if you were! I didn't know you got your tubes tied! You know, it sounds crazy, but I'm thinking that I might actually want another one. Not for atleast another year or two though. I want to make sure Aaron is out of diapers at least! LOL best of luck and keep us updated.

  3. oh my, go POAS and let us know!!!!!

  4. I'm just now reading this!!! So how are you feeling? What's going on?!?!?